


standing in the shadows

by shyv2rxrxr (hexburn)



Series: Catching Fire, Catching Cold | LEC Hanahaki [3]
Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt, Language of Flowers, Loneliness, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Siberian Irises, TW: mention of blood, TW: mention of surgery, misinterpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 03:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20632124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hexburn/pseuds/shyv2rxrxr
Summary: The flowers, the irises, would never ever lie. Your flower always means something. It is never wrong.Elias has beautiful blue Siberian irises blooming in his lungs, and so many things tohopefor.Please, please, don't let them die.





	standing in the shadows

_ Waiting for the change  _

_ Like you're waiting for the rain, I'll be there _

** _Standing in the shadows _ **

_ Underneath the family tree _

Today is the day.

Today is the day, the big day, the day when the irises in his lungs will finally be free, whether by acceptance or - though this is unlikely - by rejection turning the blooms into blood. But surely Luka will accept his love; after all, they’ve been so close, they’ve been talking so much!

This has to work. The flowers promise it.

This has to work.

\---

_ Teaching his longtime crush about how to play his role, the role that Luka is even switching to, has been so much fun. Elias feels his heart race every single time Luka texts him to ask about a certain champ or matchup, and, though he gets pangs of envy that Mihael duoQs with both of them now, instead of just Elias, he feels so, so happy on the few days that he gets to support Luka’s ADC champs. _

_ Luka makes Elias so, so happy. Even as Elias’s support leaves for regional leagues, even as his mid-laner leaves for more success, even as his jungler leaves for NA and his top-laner leaves for love, even as his coach leaves for fame and freedom, Luka does not leave. Luka stays. If anything, Luka grows nearer by the days and weeks, despite everyone else drifting so far apart from lonely, lost Elias. _

_ It feels so good and warm. _

_ When the Siberian irises first bloom in his lungs, Elias isn’t even upset. This is it! This is his chance, his opportunity to show Luka how he truly feels about the mid-laner-turned-ADC, his hope! Their friendship could be so much more, Elias just knows it. _

_ He can’t wait until LEC begins, and their closeness can become more physical leading up to Elias’s confession. _

_ \--- _

_ The new LEC studios are gorgeous, and the clear blue skies outside are gorgeous, and Elias has made sure that his hair looks gorgeous, and his glasses are so perfectly golden that they must be gorgeous, and Luka, and Luka, and Luka... _

_ He’s gorgeous. _

_ His hands are so perfectly sharp. His eyes swivel across the room, calm, a king observing the workings of his kingdom. His hair is... Well. But his arms, oh his arms, when did Luka become so muscular? Elias catches a glimpse of Luka’s collarbones and shoulders through the tight black jersey that shines so perfectly, highlighting every dip in Luka’s strong form, and irises bloom in Elias’s throat like so many beautiful blue-sky hopes. _

_ It doesn’t take long for Elias to learn to carry a large plastic bag if ever he leaves his house, because those precious, precious Siberian irises absolutely must be preserved. Elias holds them so dear. They represent everything to him. _

_ “Friendship,” say the irises, and Elias knows they are right. “Compliments,” say the irises, and Elias knows what he must give. “Hope,” say the irises, and that is what Elias has, filling his chest, his lungs, his heart fit to burst. _

_ A week goes by full of scrims and happiness as Luka banters in all-chat with Elias, and there is no greater bliss than Luka asking for advice with that perfect heart-shaped smile because it makes the flowers grow so quickly, so rapidly, so beautifully with their small blue-edged petals and white-yellow centres. Elias even manages to convince Luka to videochat with him as they play together, and every glimpse of his beloved’s face makes his heart soar. _

_ Every glimpse of Mihael makes his expression sour. _

_ Who does that silly support think he is, trying to talk to Luka so often? So what if they’re lane partners, that doesn’t mean they need to be attached at the hip! Dong-geun isn’t constantly asking Elias for praise and head-pats and back-rubs and wrist massages, so why is Mihael constantly doing just that? Elias makes sure to demand Luka’s attention when that happens.  _

_ After all, Mihael is just a coinflip support with medical issues galore. Luka deserves so much better. And he loves to talk to Elias, it’s obvious by how much they chat and text over Twitter DMs, so really Mihael should just get out of the way. The few days where Luka isn’t even bothered by Mihael at all are the best days for their videochatting, where Elias can talk and giggle and joke and flirt without any of Mihael’s interruptions. _

_ He catches a glimpse of Luka and Mihael’s hands intertwined at one point, but surely he’s just seeing things. _

_ He notices Luka tell Mihael he loves him, but surely that’s just a joke. _

_ After all, Luka is meant for Elias. The flowers promise it. _

\---

And here he is now.

Waiting for G2 after their game.

A bouquet of fresh and crisp and clean Siberian irises, lung-grown, in his hand.

His eyes fixed to the ground before him.

Luka walks by, surrounded by his teammates, and- “Luka!”- Elias calls his name, that beautiful, wonderful name, that rolls right off Elias’s tongue, and motions him closer. Beauty surrounds Elias as Luka waves his teammates along and steps into a small outlet of the hall with Elias.

As soon as the rest of G2 move along -  _ move along, silly support, _ thinks Elias as Mihael awkwardly loiters for a few seconds - the delicate, fragile flowers are gently pressed into Luka’s waiting hands. Ah, how pretty they are in this moment, waiting for their fulfilment, waiting for the pain and hurt that bore them to be validated and rewarded by love and affection from the beautiful man across from him, so utterly perfect, a miniature Adonis, with sharp jaw and heart lips and starshine eyes.

“For you,” Elias murmurs with a purely lovestruck smile, “I have hanahaki for you.”

He smiles so wide, on the tips of his toes, waiting for just a word to lean in and let their lips meet, to press his soft smile against Luka’s grin and satisfy his heart’s craving, and then, and then, and then-

“I’m sorry, Elias.”

_ What? _

“I don’t feel the same way.”

_ B-but- but- the flowers... _

“I’m in love with Mihael... and I’m dating him.”

_ And I thought he was just a “silly support...” _

“I’m sorry.”

After a few more moments of silence as Elias’s arms hang limply at his side, the quiet ache is broken by Luka’s words again.

“...You should take these,” he murmurs, “they’re yours...” Luka says,  _ Not mine, _ Luka implies, even though he is the reason Elias has these flowers, even though Luka is the one who planted the seed in Elias’s lungs with his laugh and his persistence and the way he soldiers on no matter the strength of the obstacle against him...

Voiceless pain resumes as the bouquet reclaims its place in Elias’s arms, cradled gently, the last fading hopes he has as Luka walks away.

Elias barely notices him go. Still the fact that Mihael is waiting, that Luka takes Mihael’s hand and leans his head on Mihael’s shoulder even as they stroll along, does not escape Elias’s attention.

The ride home passes in silence. 

His teammates know - how could they not, Elias has been so foolishly smitten - and his dearest friends know because of course Vander and Norskeren just  _ know. _ Each person in the car maintains a respectful quiet until Elias leaves their sight. Then, life resumes, because Elias was never worth enough to mourn with. As he sits in his bed, watching himself throw up mashed irises blended with blood and lung tissue as though he is detached from his body, Elias thinks that perhaps he finally understands the true meaning of those pretty, pretty Siberian irises, wilting on his bedside table.

_ Friendship. _

Broken like the stems of the blooms, crushed beyond any dream of repair.

_ Compliments. _

Thrown away like the flower pulp in the rubbish bin, useless and meaningless without love to support them, to give them worth and value.

_ Hope. _

Utterly destroyed, just like the once-gorgeous irises, their delicate petals torn and unrecognisable.

He should have seen past the flowers’ deception the instant he felt them fill his trachea.

Warm, summery affection? No.

These irises were born of a spring Siberian frost.

\---

After the rejection, Elias just doesn’t have it in him to turn Oskar away when he comes back to the Schalke house after hearing the news, leaving Rogue in their bliss and bearing blankets and hot soup in thermoses that Elias holds with shaking hands. An appointment has already been made for his surgery. Elias doesn’t have it in him to turn away from Oskar’s help, so he does nothing and leans into it. 

He’s glad to have, at the very least, one person waiting for him after his surgery.

“Feeling better?” Oskar asks with a kind smile as he leads Elias to a taxi that will take them home after the perfect pearl had been removed from Elias’s chest.

“Yeah,” Elias replies. He puts his best approximation of peace on his face as he takes the pearl out of the plastic bag and gauze wrapping to hold it in his hands. It is bloody. It is smudged. It is scarred slightly, from where the surgeon’s forceps must have slipped. A small part of Elias finds amusement in the physical metaphor. 

The rest is too broken to care.

His mask of acceptance is not technically a lie. 

The surgery was successful. At least he doesn’t feel like curling up into a ball and crying over Luka. At least he can look Perkz in the eye and not feel the overwhelming surge of embarrassment trying to make him hide from his failures. At least he can hold the pearl and his head high. At least he’s alive.

At least his lungs hurt less than his broken heart.

**Author's Note:**

> 3 hanahaki fics down, 3 more to post, and 4 more to write! ^_^


End file.
